I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
