I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
