you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize