i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
