The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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