He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
