It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
