If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
