I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
