escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
