my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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