you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
