If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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