I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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