i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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