I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so let's talk penis.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize