I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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