I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize