A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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