I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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