This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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