I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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