i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize