You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
