i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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