i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
