Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
