At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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