Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
