Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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