South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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