There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
