the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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