she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize