that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
