what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
COCAINE IS GR8
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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