I'm pants shitting drunk right now
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
