Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize