go do what you do best...puke behind churches
there's paper in my vomit.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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