why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
