i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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