Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
