I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
