ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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