Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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