Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
