Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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