my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize