I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
