Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I intend to get homeless drunk
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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