I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
