isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
They took my balls.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
