just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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