My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
