im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
