we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
