i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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