Too much gin, very little bucket
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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