onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
they're like a gay fantastic four
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How does one acquire holy water?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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