I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
