Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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