...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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