just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
