your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
